Clever Clover

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1 month ago

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2 months ago

Today marks the first really good day I have had in a while.. :]

I had a job interview and was really relaxed getting ready, and during.

The drive there wasn’t too bad.

I got the job 2 hours later.

I went out to eat with my mom & Keith at Sheilds.

It was a wonderful warm & sunny day that turned into a semi-stormy warm/wet day.
Perfect weather :]

I had work with Tori!

Annndd Channelle’s coming over now.

I don’t know what it is about today, But it’s so satisfying to feel like today meant something.

Even though I’ve been struggling quite a bit lately, I’ve been trying to put things aside and stay positive. I think, it may have worked.

Also.. I feel like I know what I have to do..

2 months ago

It’s a nice day outside. One of the first we have had this year. Chilly breeze and sunny. Makes me think back to how things were. It’s strange now, Not like it used to be. It’s funny how all the crucial things that used to matter, Don’t really matter anymore. And what I do now, will forever affect who I am, and who I will be for the rest of my life.

What happened to the high school, even middle school days? Sometimes i think about what i would do differently if i had a chance to go back and live it all over again. I’d probably be more confident and a little less reserved. Make myself stop and think a second before i did things. But also to think a little less.

My life now is nothing like it used to be. A lot of who I am now is based off of fear. But when I face fear, I tend to freeze up. Probably why I haven’t amounted to much. Or at least what I expected to at my age. But all my fears come from my choices in my past. Fear of becoming who i used to be.

Who i am now isn’t just some fearful mess. I feel like I just need an extra kick in the ass now-a-days though. When before I had a type of skill where i could get up and just ‘do’. The same as a child learning to walk, fearless. Until they fall and realize how much it can hurt. Then, the idea seems less then worth it.

2 months ago